LOCATION: Main Library’s north-western corner on Larkin Street, by Fulton. Not actually inside the library.

URGENT ALERT: Thanks to Professor Grenzfineski’s recently installed EEW* system, we have detected a sudden upsurge in undead activity throughout the city. Another attack is IMMINENT.

But rather than passively wait in fear, we are striking back! With the Professor’s assistance, a zombie homing beacon has been hastily assembled and installed at the Main Library’s north-western corner on Larkin Street, by Fulton.



The Double L Gyratory Undead Attractor (Location on Google Maps)

This device will be switched on TOMORROW night, Thursday the 11th, at PRECISELY 7:30pm. Once activated, the undead hordes will be unable to resist its pull, and will gather immediately at its base, where we will attempt to neutralize them before they can once again terrorize our fair city.

NOTE: Great care must be taken with this operation, as a San Francisco Mayoral debate will be taking place in the Main Library. If we are unable to contain the zombies, it is highly likely that they will turn their attention to the hundreds of citizens exiting the debate at 7:45, whom, though disenfranchised, are not disembrained, and may thus prove irresistible to the shambling cerebrophiles. (Thankfully, zombies DO NOT attack or otherwise harass innocent bystanders. Their moans and sheer numbers are more than horrifying enough.)

Once the zombies have successfully been contained, we will transport them via bus to a secret location, where they will be provided with complimentary “embalming fluid”.

Pease check eatbrains for updates!

(* Eerie Early Warning: A city-wide network of sensors, cleverly calibrated to detect the presence of re-animated necrotic tissue. And, occasionally, ducks. But he’s working on that.)

Photo of zombie attack by Scott Beale of Laughing Squid.
Photo of the Double L Gyratory by SFMike.

UPDATE!

Good citizens of San Francisco, this is your FINAL WARNING.

There will be a ZOMBIE ATTACK TONIGHT!!!

When: 7:30pm Thursday 10/11
Wear: Duct tape on torso to indicate participation
Where: The NW corner of the Main Library
Larkin Street, by Fulton
The large metal sculpture (aka "The Double-L Gyratory Zomby Attractor")
Google Maps: http://tinyurl.com/2xoj6u

Many of you were already taking precautions to stay far far far away
from that area already due to the San Francisco MAYORAL DEBATE going on
at the EXACT SAME TIME. Hopefully the attack will be subdued before the
the debate is completed and the hundreds of attendees leave the building
through the single exit pointed directly at Larkin and Fulton.

Those good citizens, though likely disenfranchised and disillusioned,
are not disembrained, and may thus prove IRRESISTABLE to the shambling
cerebrophillic horde.

If defeat is unsuccessful, an unknown party has offered to capture as
many zombies possible inside a bus, and drive them all to a classified
area (in the Mission) for complimentary "embalming fluid" afterwards.

- - - - - - -

A recap of basic zombie mob procedures & etiquette:

Show up at the meeting point on time. Arrive dressed as either a zombie
(fake blood, torn clothing, vacant stare) or a zombie victim (place a
piece of duct tape somewhere visible upon your person, and wear clothes
that you do not mind having torn and bloodied). Act like zombies. Attack
and "convert" victims. (If you have it, bring extra blood and makup for
conversions.) Shamble where the mob shambles. Have fun, but be
respectful of innocent bystanders and private property.

1. If you are wearing duct tape on your torso, the mob will attack you,
ruin your clothes, eat your brains.
2. Zombies will not get blood on innocent bystanders or their things.
3. Zombies will leave private property reasonably soon after being asked.
4. Zombies who don’t exhibit these behaviors will be beaten into shape
by their fellow horde.

More information can be found at www.eatbrains.com

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