I want to see activities available for people regardless of their appearance. Appearance matters sometimes. It shouldn't matter all of the time. Sometimes, some of us, with desperate desire to blend in public, want our trans sisters at our side to look "better" in some way--some way that we feel is the "right" way to look or act. I have thoughts on this issue.

First of all, it really does matter in a few special cases. If you want to get into a posh night club, for example, you need to dress for it. These clubs explicitly advertise that proper dress is required. If your clothes aren't consistent with the look the club is going for, don't be indignant when you are turned away. In *most* cases though, in public places, in venues open to the general public, proper dress is not an issue, and if you feel uncomfortable standing next to someone, that is your problem, not theirs. Seriously, we're all adults, and we accept theconsequences of how we dress. We can dress to blend, dress to impress, dress to express, and sometimes, dress the only way we want to, the only way we can, the only way we know how, in the only clothes we have, or--simply andunapologetically--the way we do. In *most* places, this is allowed. So get over it.

Groups of transwomen face a special problem: its' almost impossible to pass or blend as a group. If you are upset because you think someone in your group is ruining your group's chance of blending, think again. The passability of a group will almost always be dramatically less than that of any individual in a group. If you and your friend can go out in public and pass, that's wonderful. By all means, do it and enjoy. But don't expect this magic to hold up in larger groups, and don't try to hold everyone to your standards. In general, at any event with an open invitation to the group, don't expect to blend. It's just not going to happen, and you're taking on an exercise in frustration to try to encourage others to follow your personal standards.

read part 2!